Toxic Relationships | by Cher Bliss

 By Cher Bliss

Too many times I have seen women enter into toxic relationships and then either feel stuck in them, are blind to it because they think they are in love, or they think the guy will change.  I, for one, was one of those women.  I can tell you, from experience, that they won’t change unless they really want to and they have God helping them. 

I thought, because my boyfriend was a Christian and he prayed to God and studied the bible, that, for sure, he would change.  I just knew God would convict his heart and he would change.  I would break up with him, too many times to count, in hopes that by losing me he would change.  God will show us signs, before we get too involved, whether or not that relationship will be edifying and God-glorifying or not. 

One thing, us women, tend to ignore is our brains and the signs from God.  We tend to think with our hearts too much.  Let me tell you right now…if your boyfriend is not treating you like a queen with the utmost love and respect right now, he will certainly NOT do it when you get married.  Marriage is not the answer.  If anything, it will only get worse and he will get more controlling or less affectionate and interested in you because he has secured you and you can’t go anywhere now. 

Your boyfriend should be treating you the way he would treat you when you get married.  It is important to see all sides of a person before making a commitment to them.  Some important things to ask yourself, before committing to anyone, are the following:

• Does your boyfriend/husband:
• Yell and scream at you
• Call you names
• Belittle you in any way
• Make you feel stupid
• Think his way is the only way and he will never learn from you
• Tell you how to dress and when to wear makeup
• Time you when you go to the store and want to know every step you made when you were there
• Accuse you of things constantly
• Not trust you for no reason
• Isolate you from your friends and family
• Get physical with you when angry
• Punish you
• Constantly pointing out your flaws
• Have an obsessive need to be with you every minute of every day
• Require to tell him every word that any male says to you, even if it’s a simple good morning
• Get insanely jealous over every little thing

If he displays any of these behaviors, he is NOT loving you as God commands him to love his woman.  A man can have some really good qualities and be so romantic and loving at times, but then turn around, in a split second, and display the behaviors above.  Don’t be fooled by his charm and romantic gestures.  Love is a lot more than romance.

Some women also get caught up in the “submit to your husbands” rule.  What they fail to realize is that everyone, including men, submit to a higher power…God.  God commands men to first love their wives.  Let’s examine what it means to LOVE your wife.

God says to love your wife as Christ loves the Church.  That would include, but not limited to:

• Be encouraging
• Be uplifting
• Make you feel loved
• Pray for you
• Lead you spiritually to God
• Be a servant to you
• Be willing to die for you
• Protect you
• Provide for you
• Take care of you in all areas (emotionally, physically, etc.)
• Submit to you

Does your man do all this for you?  Does he treat you like you are God’s daughter?  He should be treating you as he would want another man to treat his own daughter.  You are God’s daughter and are very precious and should be treated as such. 

On the other hand, us women need to treat our men the same way.  We are to submit unto each other and love each other.  We are also to respect our husbands.  Do we respect our husbands and appreciate the sacrifices they make for us? 

A Toxic Relationship can go both ways here.  Are you not loving and respecting your husband?  You need to ask yourself that question.  Are you making yourself available to love or to receive love from your husband?  Your husband may want to love you, but you don’t treat him with love and respect.  It works both ways here, ladies. 

If you are having marital problems, try loving your husband first.  And don’t just do one thing and give up.  It may take a while for your husband to see the change in you.  Make sure you are consistent so he knows he can trust that you aren’t going back to your old ways.  Once he realizes this, he will respond to your love.  He won’t be able to help but respond to you.  Most men react to what you do.  So if you treat him good, he will treat you good. 

Marriage is a selfless act of love.  It is a decision to love (in the action sense) our spouse forever.  It’s a decision to give up all our selfish desires for our spouse.  Marriage means we are to serve our spouse and sacrifice our happiness for theirs.  But here’s the catch…if we are sacrificing and making our spouse happy, then our spouse will do the same in return and sacrifice their happiness for ours.  If this is done, then both spouses will be happy. 

Some advice for single women:

If your boyfriend is not loving you the right way now, then you need to leave that relationship.  It WILL NOT get better when you get married.  Put that idea out of your head.  Marriage does not make things better, it just complicates them.  Before you get married, your relationship needs to be more than good.  He needs to be loving you as described above.  If he is not doing that now, he will not do it in marriage.  This is the time to see if he would make a good spouse.  This time is the prep for marriage.  He needs to have the character already built into him before marriage.  YOU cannot change him.  Only God can do that and ONLY if he wants to.  Don’t even waste your precious time on a man that does not know how to love you or God.  In order to serve God, he must be able to serve you.

Advice for the married ladies:

Check yourself first and make the necessary changes you need to make.  Set an example for your husband.  Show him he can trust you.  Then start asking him to do bible studies with you or read devotionals together.  Go to church together and serve him.  He will get the idea and start reacting to you.  Don’t give up. 

I hope you have been blessed with this and may God bless you and your relationship.

A CALL to Arms... of Love

Inspiration even when many see none.

Okay, I don't care your political leaning, or who you voted for; but I'm sure you have seen people say they will stand by their guns and Bibles, and have a come and get it attitude, right? Well I have.

You see, I'm a gun owner, and a Christian. I believe I have the right to defend myself and my family by any force necessary, however, there are few things I'd die for.

I'd die for my family and God. My guns (I only own two, and they are hunting guns) I love them, and I hate the fact that our nation is working hard to take that right away from me. But it's coming. I doubt by the time I'm fifty (if there is even a US left, assuming it's not a new nation) there will be no such thing as gun owner. People will have to make a choice. Which will be, either die before giving them up, or giving them up freely.

The problem with this is, what's the point if by standing your ground you get yourself killed? For the Christian they might want to read more of the Bible.

While there are times where standing your ground is acceptable in the Word of God, more than anything God sent his people into the world to spread His message, and when he did they didn't kill people in the name of God. I'm not saying there weren't battles in the Old Testament where God okayed battle, but I'm talking about those who died for their faith. Look at Peter, how it turned out for him. John the Baptist. And on. What did Jesus ask us to do?

Matthew 16:24

(24) Then said Jesus unto his disciples," If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me."

Matthew 6:33

(33) "But seek first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto to you."

This section of Matthew 6 talks about not worrying about food, water, and clothing for tomorrow. But it can go with anything else.

You want to keep the right to bare arms? So do I, but I don't want to see half of my family get themselves killed over it, or half of the country for that matter. If you're not a Christian, then my words here probably have no affect on you. But for those of you who are, and keep the Bible as important as guns, let me share this with you:

James 1:2-4

(2)"Consider it pure joy, My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, (3) because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. (4)"Let perseverance finish its work so that you may mature and complete, not lack in anything."

Which do you believe deserves the highest obedience? God or country? I understand the idea behind defending freedom, but when the government takes over completely, they will have all the cards. And when Americans decide to react violently they will not do our side any justice. It will makes us look like the bad guys. I say dwell on God. As much as you can. Leave the prayer channel open all the time, meditate on Him. When you're at work, if you can think about other things and still do your job, think on Him. Focus on what God would want you to do. Because if you're a Christian, this isn't about what you want, it's about what God wants. After all, didn't He see it coming? He could have stopped it and didn't. So there must be a reason.

Hebrews 4:12

"For the Word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double edge sword, it penetrates even dividing the soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the hearts."

I'd say the Word is even stronger than guns. It's alive! What does that mean?

Well, when we read the Bible, and we're open to God He does communicate with us. It's to the point for me where I can't open my Bible and read without my eyes hitting something very relevant in my life. When He speaks to us (for some they really hear Him, and that's fine) He usually does it through thoughts, and feeling. He guides us. But we cannot go to the scriptures with our own thinking. We must be willing to read exactly what God means. We can understand it better if we allow ourselves to be open to God.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

(3) "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (4) (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) (5) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;"

Ephesians 6:12

(12) For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

There's a time and place for everything. We need to drop our pride and follow Him. And to be honest I find it to be much more joyful. When I worried about gun laws, it ate me up. I knew there was no way we can fight this injustice and to do so rightly. But as in all things, I know fighting without violence, doing as God wants us to do, I feel complete.

Do not act out. If you do that then you are playing their game. The one word that means rebel is, "NO". But if you act out, you're saying, "YES" to their agenda, which means you're conforming They want to use you, they want to make you an example. They will us to make those who are against us, be against us that much more.

Romans 12:2

(2) And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Bullets won't win this war. Our faith is all we have. Take away our guns, our rights, cast us into prison; who are we? We're children of God, the vessel of Christ who is mightier than anything man has devised. Kill us. Hurt us. Take from us. We rebel by staying true to our Father, and to our Lord.

Brothers and sisters, this IS not the age of fear, this IS not the age of anger; but the age of rejoicing. No matter when it's our time, we will soon be with our Lord. No one can take that away from us. Be of good cheer, for the Lord will command our steps if we ask Him to. 24/7 faith and prayer. Do not let the carnal world stop you from keeping faith.

They come at us with laws, they come for our freedoms, and we shall meet them in love.

STAYING HAPPY, Thoughts of a Christian on How to Dwell

For now I'm taking a break from the controversy stuff, mainly because I have more than enough to research at the moment, stories to write, and my own personal seeds that need watering. But there is something I'd like to share. I know people who can keep pretty mellow even though they feel the way I do about things; to them it's nothing more than a shrug when life takes a turn for the dark. I see a lot of posts on here that tightens the guts of anxiety when I read them, there are a lot things that fuel worry. But we can't worry ourselves all the time.

History is chalked full of dark times, one of the eras is even labeled "The Dark Ages", brutality, doubt, a loss of faith; none of these things are new concepts. Another concept that is not new, is that we have an energy to us. It can be recorded by today's technology. We can actually have a great control over things when know how to tap into it. Some beliefs call it magic, some have other ideas, but as a Christian I believe that it is part of the design of God. How anyone can take a peak at the code of the universe and not believe in some kind of creator is beyond me. We think our super-computers are so great, but the very code of everything makes us look like chumps. The thing we need to keep in mind, is that God gave us the ability to deal and to handle anything.

I won't tell anyone what to believe, it's their right. But for us, those of us who believe in God, not only should we be thankful, not only should we always respect God's authority, but we also have gifts that we have yet to really use.

You may think I have gone completely nuts, but both science and the Bible talks about how our attitude can be contagious. Do you ever have a bad time at home or at work, and then your anger, or anxiety spreads to everyone else? Of course they might be dealing with the same banes as you, but I mean specifically. When you feel a spike of anger and you hold it back but then someone else punches a wall, or throws an object. They are acting out what you're feeling.

Or when people as a majority want the same thing that wasn't even a desire before. People are not just programmable, but some of this comes from us. We're connected, and we emit energy. This energy has a power. Now we may not change the things that haunt us, but we can change ourselves, which might inspire a change in another, then they inspire a change in another. And since we are all connected, who we become, which then grows and evolves can be felt whether or not people pick up on it.

Sometimes people are nicer to me than normal, and they want nothing in return. the people I refer to is uncharacteristic of them, but of course I take it. Now for us Christians, we also have supernatural attacks that increase when we try to get back on the beat and path. Those who aren't Christians can roll their eyes at me, and I might do the same in their shoes, but it's the truth from my experiences. But, we can fight what comes against us.

God didn't give us all of this power just to waste it or to try to become like Him. Instead He gave us these gifts to make the world better, and to fight the powers of darkness. The thing is that so many people just don't believe in miracles anymore, the closest you get are those other beliefs that call it magic. But even Christians are losing faith. Just because we don't see a modern day Moses, or Jesus skipping along the water (or turning it into wine for that matter) people assume the miracles are done with. Forget the super-code that we are discovering, forget the fact that it has been documented that we possess a power that can control the planet itself if we were to figure out how, forget the fact that our very life force can alter the PH level in water, or have an effect on technology which has all been proven in labs. You want miracles? Look at the world around you (obviously a creation that continues to change). Look at the terrifying things that we either hide from, or use to get others scared, look at those things dead on, you will see the code of God. Sure, like always man is using a lot of it for the wrong reasons, but it's there.

I'm not perfect, and I have days where that old spirit of despair peels my resolve like an orange. But I AM POWERFUL. Yes, I am. Do I not have the power of the spirit of a man who died and came from life within me? The very man who gave a bind person their sight? Who walked on water?  No weapon formed against us shall prosper. No, that doesn't mean we can't die, just means that nothing that man creates can kill who we really are.

For He is within us, we are mighty, but never mightier than Him. People don't want to believe in God, okay. But they too have power. The very power that the God they don't want to believe in gave them. They have experienced things they probably didn't realize was this power. Maybe they have a system with it, maybe not. This power comes on the whims of emotion, enlightenment, hope. When our despair breaks like a fever, and suddenly we're empowered. Maybe it's just a psychological reaction, but our psychology is tied into this power.

More and more the abilities that we possess is coming out via technology and lab tests. But that's just the very, very, very, very beginning. Like the prologue of a prequel. No matter how much we map ourselves out, or the rest of the universe, there will always be secrets to be discovered. I always said that I believe the entire universe, all of God's creation and the supernatural world itself could be broken down to a math equation. Though I doubt there's enough room in the universe to support the proverbial blackboard to display it, but I do believe the answers are there.

The world is getting darker, people growing more fouler. Freedoms taken away, and we are becoming more and more pawns in the games of others. We cannot change the stubborn will of the human race, for they too are mighty in their own ways. But we have the power to change us. We have the power to inspire others. We have the power to drive back the feeble hits of darkness that try to soak us in despair. For we have something many don't. We have God. Those who do not will lose everything when the ones they love are gone, while we will pick up the shards of our existence and move on. Cry we may, limping along our paths, we will still have more. We will still have that power. When there is nowhere left to go, or we're imprisoned for who we are, or maybe we just deal with a PC world that wishes to tell us how to believe, we will take confidence in knowing we're mighty. In knowing that greater is He in me, than he that is in the world. The devil is nothing more than a fake. He plays on people, uses tactics to make them not believe in him. Whatever. He uses shock and awe to disorientate us, sweet, yummy lies that sound soooo good to those who don't believe. But he also uses such lies to those who do, even to those that stay in the faith. The Christians who stay that hurt the faith are the worst enemy to the church than any other. The sinner is not the enemy, if anything they need us. If for no other reason to love them and to care. But so does our enemy, the fractured Christian. They may do the greatest harm, but they need us just as bad.

Truth is, the power of darkness only has power through people who allow it. Just as our power only works when we allow it. We must not dwell on despair, we must live as if we have already fulfilled our goals, as if we are what we strive to be. To be positive is the flow of our power. To be of great cheer when the storms of life ram us, when we are made public enemy number one, we will remind ourselves that it's others needing saving, we're bought by the blood of the lamb. Despair? For what? Because the world is chewing us up? The world is just acting out a part from the script that has been in the Book since long before this generation.

Deep stuff, I know, but it serves to remind us why to stay positive. Right now we can sit in air-conditioned homes, see stupid news happenings on Facebook or CNN. We can still do the things that constitute as normal. We can still go to church, say I love you to those who matter; be thankful for those things. Be happy for those blessings. And be thankful for the blessings and gifts that God gives us, so if we do go through hell on Earth (or maybe not what's listed above, but instead just personal strife), that we will be equipped for it.

Just like Peter on the water, when we stop looking at Him, we sink. Faith of a mustard seed can do wonders. We have this ability, we can make it happen. We can do what others don't believe, we have a solace that few will know. Offer solace to those who are in need, love them, respect them, for this renews us as well. Do what He commands, and no matter where our lives take us, we will be mighty, we will be fulfilled, we will be happy!

On a side note:

I never want to sound like I don't take people serious. Yes, those who are there for us are very important. I love all of you who have been there for me over the years and even now. You guys have helped me so much. And no matter where your faith, or lack there of comes from, I still thank God for knowing you. You're gifts as far as I'm concerned. Beautiful gifts at that. If I ever say something that comes out wrong and offensive, please know that I never mean to. You're important to me. It's easy to think everything in my head comes out right when I type it only to find out later that it doesn't.

What I mean by some of this post is that, what do we do when the ones we love are gone? How do we keep going? Without those who matter there is nothing left of us. By having God, we always have some kind of solace, hope, love, humility, etc.

You might very well have your own answers, and fair enough. But to be honest, without God, in that situation I'd truly have nothing. Because either in normal life, or worst case scenario, I could lose all of those who matter to me. I could very easily end up alone and in the worst state you can ever imagine. Without taking control of the power I've been talking about, and focusing on God, I honestly don't know how I could make it.

I've seen a lot of people that are falling into ruts, I wish I could help them, and I do the best I can. But I'm only human. I can't bring them solace, hope, salvation. All I can do is say I love you, I wish I could help you, maybe crack some jokes; but despite all of my power, I've yet to discover a way to really make an impact. Find your hope where you will, and I wish you the very best. I will do what I can to be here for you when you need a friend.


Dale E.

MAN of Silk

I can be pretty bold, but there are limits to my power. Actually, I'm quite weak. Aside from stubbornness, this human shell does a great job of keeping me from where I need to be. Two things that isn't so easy to will away: fear and addiction. I'm not into drugs, nothing like that. I'm probably considered a goodie-two-shoes among those with the real problems. But the thing is, I'm still human. I'm just a man trying to be Superman, which is great until I try to punch through a brick wall or leap into the air expecting to soar. The only power I really have is something that most people will laugh and roll their eyes at. My power is becoming more and more against the law, or at the very least against what's acceptable. Fear clenches my guts, I see the world shifting, but what would scare me more is selling out. I think that's where the stubbornness comes from. There are days where I shine and stand triumph, but the weakness of being human always smacks me down.

Using myself as an example here, this sort of thing happens to everyone who cares, and who believes in something greater. Don't look at me like I'm Superman living the perfect Christian mold. What I am is a broken human with a long path of sin who's trying desperately to find my way back.

It's not just enough being a Christian, it's not enough warming a church pew, it's not enough to read your Bible. Those things are great, but that's only a tiny piece. Being a Christian isn't a religion, it's a relationship with Christ. And like any great relationship, that means that it's also a life style. This isn't like getting a merit badge that you pin to your chest when you dawn a uniform, this is something that's pinned to your soul, but something that you can lose touch of. Two things today smacked me down (nothing too secretive), which actually brought me up from my own humanish issues. But it does make me think. We are who we are, and part of who we are, are seekers. We seek out something better than ourselves. Something we can depend on and have faith in when there's nothing left. We seek out what bears the greatest truth, and we cling to it like a cat stuck in a tree. Or so we should.

Those who don't believe find their own answers, granted not the right ones, but that's their choice. I'm not saying that it's wrong to minister, but we also need to keep focused on ourselves so that we can stand stronger, and lean on others like us for greater support. In the end, next to God, we will be all we have. For however long that last, but the more we stand together, the stronger we become in our own walk. We need each other.

Don't let fear or any other kind of weakness keep you down. Don't let the world try to change who you are. The only One who gets to decide that is the Big Man. Everyone else can either support you, or get out of the way.