Too many times I have seen women enter into toxic
relationships and then either feel stuck in them, are blind to it because they
think they are in love, or they think the guy will change. I, for one, was one of those women. I can tell you, from experience, that they
won’t change unless they really want to and they have God helping them.
I thought, because my boyfriend was a Christian and he
prayed to God and studied the bible, that, for sure, he would change. I just knew God would convict his heart and
he would change. I would break up with
him, too many times to count, in hopes that by losing me he would change. God will show us signs, before we get too
involved, whether or not that relationship will be edifying and God-glorifying
or not.
One thing, us women, tend to ignore is our brains and the
signs from God. We tend to think with
our hearts too much. Let me tell you
right now…if your boyfriend is not treating you like a queen with the utmost
love and respect right now, he will certainly NOT do it when you get
married. Marriage is not the
answer. If anything, it will only get
worse and he will get more controlling or less affectionate and interested in
you because he has secured you and you can’t go anywhere now.
Your boyfriend should be treating you the way he would treat
you when you get married. It is
important to see all sides of a person before making a commitment to them. Some important things to ask yourself, before
committing to anyone, are the following:
- Does your boyfriend/husband:
- Yell and scream at you
- Call you names
- Belittle you in any way
- Make you feel stupid
- Think his way is the only way and he will never learn from you
- Tell you how to dress and when to wear makeup
- Time you when you go to the store and want to know every step you made when you were there
- Accuse you of things constantly
- Not trust you for no reason
- Isolate you from your friends and family
- Get physical with you when angry
- Punish you
- Constantly pointing out your flaws
- Have an obsessive need to be with you every minute of every day
- Require to tell him every word that any male says to you, even if it’s a simple good morning
- Get insanely jealous over every little thing
If he displays any of these behaviors, he is NOT loving you as God commands him to love his woman. A man can have some really good qualities and be so romantic and loving at times, but then turn around, in a split second, and display the behaviors above. Don’t be fooled by his charm and romantic gestures. Love is a lot more than romance.
Some women also get caught up in the “submit to your husbands” rule. What they fail to realize is that everyone, including men, submit to a higher power…God. God commands men to first love their wives. Let’s examine what it means to LOVE your wife.
God says to love your wife as Christ loves the Church. That would include, but not limited to:
- Be encouraging
- Be uplifting
- Make you feel loved
- Pray for you
- Lead you spiritually to God
- Be a servant to you
- Be willing to die for you
- Protect you
- Provide for you
- Take care of you in all areas (emotionally, physically, etc.)
- Submit to you
Does your man do all this for you? Does he treat you like you are God’s
daughter? He should be treating you as
he would want another man to treat his own daughter. You are God’s daughter and are very precious
and should be treated as such.
On the other hand, us women need to treat our men the same
way. We are to submit unto each other
and love each other. We are also to
respect our husbands. Do we respect our
husbands and appreciate the sacrifices they make for us?
A Toxic Relationship can go both ways here. Are you not loving and respecting your
husband? You need to ask yourself that
question. Are you making yourself
available to love or to receive love from your husband? Your husband may want to love you, but you
don’t treat him with love and respect.
It works both ways here, ladies.
If you are having marital problems, try loving your husband
first. And don’t just do one thing and
give up. It may take a while for your
husband to see the change in you. Make
sure you are consistent so he knows he can trust that you aren’t going back to
your old ways. Once he realizes this, he
will respond to your love. He won’t be
able to help but respond to you. Most
men react to what you do. So if you
treat him good, he will treat you good.
Marriage is a selfless act of love. It is a decision to love (in the action
sense) our spouse forever. It’s a
decision to give up all our selfish desires for our spouse. Marriage means we are to serve our spouse and
sacrifice our happiness for theirs. But
here’s the catch…if we are sacrificing and making our spouse happy, then our
spouse will do the same in return and sacrifice their happiness for ours. If this is done, then both spouses will be
happy.
Some advice for single women:
If your boyfriend is not loving you the right way now, then
you need to leave that relationship. It
WILL NOT get better when you get married.
Put that idea out of your head.
Marriage does not make things better, it just complicates them. Before you get married, your relationship
needs to be more than good. He needs to
be loving you as described above. If he
is not doing that now, he will not do it in marriage. This is the time to see if he would make a
good spouse. This time is the prep for
marriage. He needs to have the character
already built into him before marriage.
YOU cannot change him. Only God
can do that and ONLY if he wants to.
Don’t even waste your precious time on a man that does not know how to
love you or God. In order to serve God,
he must be able to serve you.
Advice for the married ladies:
Check yourself first and make the necessary changes you need
to make. Set an example for your
husband. Show him he can trust you. Then start asking him to do bible studies
with you or read devotionals together.
Go to church together and serve him.
He will get the idea and start reacting to you. Don’t give up.
I hope you have been blessed with this and may God bless you
and your relationship.
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