Everyone's different, we all have weakness, and needs. Some of these God wants us to have, others are glitches that our DNA picked up (kind of like the crap our computers pick up when on the internet) when Adam and Eve fell from grace. The thing is, people need salvation, even those who already have it. Like what Grady mentioned in the article the seven ways to stop adultery about spiritual check ups. But when it comes to the specific nature of marriage, there is a lot at work, a lot of it is spiritual, and a lot of it is genetics.
A lot of the time we know what our partner wants and needs. We have he answers but get lazy. Not everyone in marriage does this, I'm talking about a lot marriages that do. Some have very specific problems that go much, much deeper. But for marriages that we can make happy, it really isn't that hard; as long as both partners are doing everything they can to make it work. Still sounds hard? It's not and here's why.
For sold-out-believers we fall in love, the man meets the woman, she's a goddess we want to be the best man we can be to her. As we pursue things she falls in love back. Then comes the marriage. Almost all woman, especially Christian women romanticize the day of the wedding. The most important day in the whole-wide-world! But that day is only the prologue to a series of most important days in the whole-wide-world. Waking up every morning to the love of your life, kissing them with bad breath and finding them beautiful without make up and in their birthday suit is far more romantic than the day of the wedding. The wedding is just the celebration of what is to come, hence why the vows are so important. Sure, the wedding is very important, it's the beginning of a very beautiful relationship; but the coming years far out-weigh it.
God Himself doesn't have a beginning and yet He's the most important thing in the universe. We humans focus on a day, or a set of special days (hence holidays), but to be honest we should focus on the marriage. The wedding is day one, and it's the easiest. People are happy, laughing even with the cold feet, it's a joyous occasion. That's why there are copious amounts of tears. That's why women get so worked up over it. But the wedding is an easy day to be good. For a lot of couples who are serious about their vows, the first couple of years (or however long the honeymoon syndrome last) are sort of easy. But there comes a point where it stops being easy. Usually it's a small nick in the solid structure of their marriage. And it continues that way, a small crack, a small chip, and then the next you know divorce comes up, there's cheating, or maybe not that bad, maybe just a lot of fighting, even when it took you years of a happy marriage without fighting to get this point. Is it from not fighting? For some maybe, but not for all.
We have our hot buttons, we have things that matter to us, good and bad, and when our partner doesn't respect this, or their buttons and things that matter chaff, that's when the crap hits the fan. You see to love each other also means to accept each other. Love isn't about control, it's about adoration, acceptance, respect, and affection. With those elements used daily, more marriages wouldn't have nearly the problems.
A Pastor cheats on his wife. Lets just say he was the poster child for the perfect man to marry, his marriage was the poster child of (you guessed it) the perfect marriage, then one day he is caught with the church secretary (this happened with a Pastor I knew, though he wasn't picture perfect, but when I first met him I thought a lot of him. The man had so many demons, more than the glimpses I caught).
What happened???
Though everything that Grady said in his post is probably a huge factor, I'd say it goes beyond that. The Christian marriages I grew up around, they seemed dry. Lacking in passion. It was more of, "doing what God wants, instead of what we want", it's not that this belief a bad thing (after all God's will should come first), just that the couples forgot or didn't know how to love each other. God made us to be passionate, to love. Out of all the creatures in the animal kingdom, we spend the most time building up our lives, worrying about relationships, and where we stand with God. We are so complex, and a lot of the problems we face is from making them more complex than they need to be.
So what are we Christians going to do?
Love.
And with that comes: adoration, acceptance, respect, affection, forgiveness, obedience to God, and to each other.
A commitment isn't about that perfect day that leads into years of misery, it's about a life journey together that means more than anything to us aside from family and God.
God comes first.
Then our partner.
Then our family.
Then us.
In that order. We must keep our priorities. We can't help human weakness, it's there roaring like a lion, but we can overcome. Lean on God spirituality pray daily, pray when you don't want to, pray yourself to sleep if you must, but pray. Pray for your partner, and they to do the same. Hold each other up in every way you can, keep him or her (depending on the gender reading) smiling, laughing, and loving you. Know what it is they love about you, and do that daily. God embraces love, He wants you to love the person you married, and isn't this suppose to be the point?
If you're reading this and you have had problems in your marriage, but still think there might be a chance, read J. Lee Grady's blog post along with this one, and I hope that it works out for you. Kiss your husband or wife. Touch them the way you know how, make love to them. You're married! You guys can make love all you want, it's allowed! And satisfy each other. Give to each other what you crave so long as it doesn't go outside the Bible. Marriage can be fun from what I've seen for a few, so take the ball and run with it. Be magical, but the only way that's going to happen is if you create the magic. Both of you. Love each other unconditionally and richly and when that temptation comes along, it won't seem tempting at all.
I mean it, make with the smoochies! ;^)
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